P e r f e c t
by SkinnyJeansAndAnorexia
Summary: Rocky wants nothing more that to feel special, to be perfect. She feels if she becomes a model, she should look the part. But the road to perfection is Rocky. Rated for: Anorexia/Bulimia  Eating Disorders  and cutting. Please review.
1. This Starts It Up

**A/N: ****So, I'm basically going to be writing my take on like three episodes to lead up to the events of Rocky's troubleness. I hope you enjoy because this is my first Shake It Up story. **

**The idea came to me when watching: Model It Up. Season One, Episode Eighteen. I don't really watch Shake It Up anymore so I've missed a lot, but I'm starting to get into it now after that episode. Again, enjoy and please leave a review!**

**Summary: She doesn't know exactly when it started. When she start counting everything that enters her mouth. When she needed comfort from her imaginary friend that's making her keep so much secrets. When she desired to be so perfect.**

**Chapter One:**

**Start It Up**

The studio was as great as the two young girls thought it would be, if not better. It's their dream to star on their favorite TV show. Dance on the stage that lights up, feeling like a star. They knew not to blow their chance, they needed this. Soon they would be on the screen, and more popular than ever. The dancers were everywhere, doing things that looked great.

CeCe and Rocky looked around in awe, imaging how its going to feel to be dancing here. Cocky, yes. But they deserve to be. They could dance, yes. They've been practicing forever. They were pretty, beautiful actually. CeCe with her smooth orange/brown hair, suitable for her sense it's natural. Her small pink lips compliments her face. Brown eyes widen at the sight of everything.

Rocky, being the more tomboy-ish from her best friend CeCe, is total opposite. Her hair is brown and naturally curled all over. Her eyes are brown as while, but seems more intense. Her lips are departed as she as well, is in awe.

They wanted this, they could get it. It's not far away. They are one step closer and they can feel it.

"Wow," that seemed to be the only thing CeCe could say at the moment.

"Big kids, big kids. I told you there was going to be big kids!" Rocky exclaims silently to Cece.

"Look! There's the guy who host Shake It Up, Chicago, Gary Wild!" CeCe exclaims this time. "He looks a lot taller on TV."

"It's time for you to dance with your own moves, and the spotlight shining you're _every_ flaw." Gary Wild says to the dancers that made it to the next level.

The spotlight will be shining on everyone's flaw, every girl's flaw, every boy's. Everyone of Rocky's flaw. She takes mental deep breaths even though mouth breathing is easier, and its not something she has to think about doing. The spotlight is still scary, though. She wants to go home, but CeCe pushes her onto the stage anyway.

For a moment she is.. Just there. Then everyone starts clapping and she realizes how stupidly shy she's being. The dance moves come naturally and everyone is enjoying it. She finishes with her stance and gets the word that she's in.

Rocky and CeCe give a brief before CeCe walks nonchalantly on the stage, and the spotlight is on. CeCe starts almost immediately and Rocky is jealous for some reason. She wishes she was as confident as CeCe was. She wish she was as pretty too. But she'll never say that, not when anyone is around at least.

CeCe and Rocky take the train back home after there auditions. The only topic they gush about is what their first day of work will be like. CeCe misses the fact Rocky keeps rubbing her sore muscles. They wouldn't have hurt so much if she just had went on to bed last night. If she didn't spend a extra three hours of her night practicing the dance moves. They had to be _perfect._

Nothing more, nothing less.


	2. Meatball It Up

**A/N: **So, I really liked doing the first chapter. Stories like these (for me) basically write themselves.

If you did read and did not review, please do. It holds my sanity and keeps me intact.

And I'm a sort of person that likes to expand her vocabulary by using HUGE words. But I hate seeing words I cant spell or never seen or don't know what they mean. It drives me crazy, that's why I don't use big word most of the time. But if you are comfortable with big words and confusion let me know, I love using them.

**Chapter Two:**

**Meatball It Up**

Two weeks.

Two weeks of non-stop dancing on and off the stage. Two weeks of doing something that made her happy. Two weeks of feeling better than the Rocky she was three weeks ago.

One of the things that made all of this great are the paychecks. The feeling that they are making heir own money makes then fly inside. They get the idea to put their money in an account from CeCe's mom. The first thing they want to do, of course, is use their debit card.

Freedom comes with a price. They spend all their money on themselves. And when Ty and Deuce make their happiness melt away by guilt, regret, and selfishness; they want to take them to lunch.

There is a devastating news that their cards are dead. ALREADY! There embarrassment and stupidity keeps stalling hem from telling everyone he truth. Then thy hear a way they can get lunch for free. If one of them can eat a ten pound meatball on a plat full of spaghetti, their whole table is free.

CeCe doesn't mind volunteering Rocky for the task, "My friend here would like to have the Big Fat Heart Attack Challenge."

"What!" Rocky exclaims. The emptiness inside her stomachs sounds like thunder in her ears. She fears CeCe and everyone else hears it too. They don't.

"I was in a dumpster!" CeCe evens out. She thinks that would be her excuse for the rest of the night. So she wont have to do anything stupid like eat ten pound meatballs.

"But I'm a vegetarian!"

"Not tonight you aren't!" CeCe exclaims back.

So she stays there and they bring out the food. She thinks that the meatball must weigh more than ten pounds. Maybe, it weighs about two hundred and forty. That's how much she weighs times two. She straightens up her spine just a little. Wondering how she's going to get through this.

She finishes it. Not alone, however. Thanks to CeCe, Ty and Deuce. They don't have to pay for food with money they don't have.

"There's still one piece of meatball left." Deuce realizes and points out.

"That meatball is moving," says Ty.

"ROACH," and they all scream and run at the same time.

* * *

><p>By the time Rocky and CeCe reach the studio they havent digested their food. It's still sitting flat in their small stomachs.<p>

"I'm so full, I cant button up my pants," Rocky says. _Not like I ever could before,_ she thinks to herself.

"I'm so full, I cant even move," CeCe responds. Rocky thinks of things she could say to hurt her feelings. To make her feel fatter than she really looked. And she wouldn't even care, well not right away.

She takes a deep breathe she didn't realize she was holding in. The food comes up, finally, when they bring in lunch from the Olive Pit. Their bodies wont upchuck that much. Only enough for them to feel regular full, not stuffed full. Then the rest will be released properly.

* * *

><p>Throwing up is gross for most people but Rocky doesn't mind it this time. She considered self purging before, but shes a coward. She would tell her self her mom or Ty would hear her. Or she'll go too deep and kill herself or <em>something.<em> She finds it soothing or less stressfull on herself. If she can empty out the fat, she wouldn't have to strain herself with excersizes tonight.

It's been about twenty-one days. No it's been exactly twenty-one days. Since she watched that stupid Victoria Secret Fashion Show with CeCe. And her brother coming in and interrupting their 'girls night'.

He said she could only dream about being one of those models. CeCe laughed knowing he was only joking. Their mom quickly came in afterwards driving him away from the girls.

"Ugh! Puking is _so_ gross!" CeCe shouts, breaking Rocky out her train of thought. She realizes how hot the bathroom water is under her tender skin. CeCe spent more time in the bathroom because she go toilet paper stuck all over her hand and mouth, trying to puke and wipe away the vomit at the same time.

"Tell me about it!"

* * *

><p>The night consists of the usual. Situps are first because they are familiar to her. She's on her bed because the floor hurts her coccyx. The bed makes it easier on her. So instead of forty five situps she does eighty five. The push up hurts more when she knows her upper body strength sucks. Her mind says ten but she makes it to thirty. The sound that escapes her mouth at the end is louder than she wants it to be.<p>

This time it isn't loud to her own ears but to her brother too. The door opens slowly and she lays on her somach and pretends she's fallen.

"Dude what are you doing on the floor?" Ty ask. His lips curving into a small smile while his dimples show.

"I um, I fell off the bed," she simply says. He lifts her up by her right arm and she turns to face him.

"You sure? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alright. G Night, Sis," he lightly touches her arm and pretends to not notice how sweaty it feels.

"Goodnight, Bro," the small is a façade of the truth. She climbs in bed knowing it's too risky to continue.

* * *

><p>"CeCe," Rocky begins in a lovely morning sing-song voice, "I'm ready!"<p>

"Wow, had a shot of 5 Hour Energy or something? You're _never _early." Emphasis on the word never.

"Just had a great sleep last night, no big deal."

"Mom why are you here? You're embarrassing me!" CeCe ask her mother, who for some reason came to visit her at work.

"You say embarrassing I say sweet, sweet revenge from all those diaper changes!" She responds.

Rocky laughs whole-heartedly for some reason she hought she had too.

"What are you laughing at? You weren't fully potty trained until you were six!"

"I thought I'd get sucked in!" She defends herself, she's to cheery to be messed with today. She doesn't want it ruined.

"Listen I got a letter from your algebra teacher," she says turning her attention back to CeCe, "you're failing."

"What?" She announces. She obviously thought she was doing well this time.

A tutorur.

It makes sense because shes hopeless now. He's in college too so he's bound to be hot. Right?

Wrong. More wrong than the answers she put down on her math homework last night. Turns out he's a little dude, who's a genius. When it comes to education of course. He doesn't seem to know how to shut his mouth shut when it comes to peoples secret.

The fact that he's to cute to make anyone really mad CeCe runs out. Rocky follows of course it will be the most non-best friend thing to do. She finds her sitting on the steps of the entrance. Rocky takes a soft deep breathe and lets the friend side show.

"CeCe, why didn't you tell me you had dyslexia," she says in her sweet voice. The whole day would never go happy, not for Rocky, never for Rocky.

"Because I didn't want anyone to know," she squeezes out, "It's embarrassing."

"It's not embarrassing. You could have told me. I know _ever_ embarrassing about you CeCe," she says slowly walking down the entrance stairs. "I know that you still sometimes have to sleep with your blanket. I know you are afraid to get on some of the big kids ride at the amusement parks."

CeCe sniffles while listening to her friend. The whole talk is about how she wishes she wasn't so stupid. How she cant tell right from left at times. The way letters look like alphabet soup. The reason she hides it is so she can avoid bullies. Avoid the mean people. Cheering up is part of what the best friend coming to the rescue does. Rocky tells her about her enormous feet and the fact that _Ty_ and _Tinka_ are out on a _date! _she springs up at the last comment and cant believe her ears.

* * *

><p>"How was you date?" Rocky ask making date into two syllables. His room is messy because he's a boy of age. The age that can clean their own rooms but decides no to. He's clad in a white wife beater and some long plaid pajama pants. She wears something girly for bottoms. A pink leopard printed cotton one, to be exact.<p>

"Don't go there," he points at her, "and for your information, it went great," he copies her by turning great into two syllables. She shakes her head slightly while giggling a little. The stray hairs that don't fit in her pony-tale rubs against her neck.

"Really? What'd you do?"

"We went to a pickle museum. Got a giant pickle and danced together." The way he turns her head means he's thinking about what happened. Reflecting on such a beautiful date.

"Wow," she breaks his comfort. "So basically, you are and will always be a loser." She forms her thumb and index finger into a 'L' shape and plants it on her forehead.

The pillow comes at her faster than she expects it too, but she dodges it. The second one gets her in the head and she sees its her queue to shut up and get out.

The night consists of her remembering how much she consumed today. Breakfast was wheat toast with one fried egg. Lunch was water a bowl of Frosted Flakes and two bread sticks. Dinner was nothing but two oranges. She lied and said she had a big lunch.

She feels flimsy and knows she should do some sort of exercising for the night. Just incase her body decided to come up with extra unwanted fat. Her covers bury her deep and she cant weight till the end of the week. When she gets to step on the scale before week three starts.

The journey she hides under her pillow shows her start off weight and her goal weight. Starts at 105 on week one then week two only brought her down one pound. She writes down what and how much she eats. And scowls herself.

She's not over board, oh no. She has sense. She only wants to weigh one hundred solid, and she's pure gold. She would never turn to anything more. She just needs to be _a bit._ Just _a bit_ skinny.

Raquel wonders when she'll wake up to smell the coffee.


	3. Today Is A Fake Tomorrow Might Be Pretty

**A/N:**** For all my peoples that are reviewing and reading. Thanks for the support.**

**Short chapter but the next will be longer. =)**

**Chapter Three:**

** Today Is A Facade But,**

**Tomorrow Might Be Pretty**

"I slept so good last night," CeCe states to her best friend. The night was so long to Rocky she couldn't enjoy it. She had woken up countless amounts of time, and each one was filled with hurt and guilt.

They had spent hours without sleep just to win a dance marathon for a reason they cant remember anymore. Their legs still ache and their brains still a bit woozy, something that will wear off soon.

"Really? I didn't I keep waking up," It's Rocky talking now as she closes the top to her water bottle.

"Why not? Had nightmares, or something?"

"Nope, just.. I don't know. Never mind it's nothing." She says as she takes another long swallow of her Pure-life water.

"You sure? I'm sure you can tell me." CeCe slides her long bangs out of her eyes.

"It's just.. Have you ever felt so sad you don't know what to do with yourself. Like, you don't want to wake up for school or anything that matters?" Rocky tries to explain. It's these moods that make it harder to get through the day.

It's nothing knew though, not at all. It's been years of this kind of thing. She's tried to explain it to CeCe various times before, but she always fall off the tracks of the conversation. Rocky's always wanted too do something about her melancholy moods, but all she can do is hope for better days.

"Rocky," she places tiny hands on Rocky's strong shoulder's. "I _never _want to wake up for school!"

* * *

><p>Left, left, turn, right, over, down.<p>

Left, left, turn, right, over, down.

Left, left, turn, right, over, fall.

The loud _thud _comes from a Rocky tripping over her own two feet and falling into someone else, and they land on the hard ground on the dance floor.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean too!" She quickly apologizes like its the end of the world. The spike haired boy just gets up and tells her 'no problem, little one'.

"Rocky are you okay? You've been _really_ clumsy today." Leave it to CeCe to turn a smile upside down.

"Yes, CeCe I'm _fine_." She clears her throat noticing how raspy and irritated she sounds at the moment. CeCe just walks away.

* * *

><p>"We should have a sleep over!" Raquel rambles out while her and CeCe walk up the steps of their apartment. Rocky feels the Friday evening won't be nothing more than messing with her brother and watching something with Housewives in the titled with her mother.<p>

"Sure, I got nothing better to do."

* * *

><p>"Okay, got the video camera?"<p>

"Yeah, come on!" Rocky leads CeCe towards the hallway bathroom, even though she knows every square inch of 'The Blue Resident' it feels right this way.

The peek the camera through the little crack of the door. Just in time to watch Ty about to flush the toilet. Little does he know that the toilet water will be splashing all over his face. And when he moves to grab a towel black ink will be rubbed all over his perfect face.

And just as it happens as planned, the girls burst into laughter knowing to run before he can get them. But sense Rocky is slower behind she gets caught by Ty. They are making a whole lot of ruckus which must have ruined their mother's marathon of Desperate Housewives.

"What is going on out here?" She says coming out clad in a purple robe and guacamole mask. "Ty, what happened to your face?" She ask, taking notice of her son's smeared black face.

"Ask these freaky girl over here! They made the toilet water squirt in my face and when I tried to wipe it off, there was black paint on my towel! And to top it off, they got that on camera!" Ty explains, no hyperbole in that explanation.

"Let me see the camera." Rocky hands her mother the camera with no hesitation. Her mother plays the video and in seconds starts giggling.

"Mom!-" Ty yells embarrassed. "Make them delete it!"

* * *

><p>"To bad we had to delete the video. It would have been a hit on YouTube." Rocky says as she sits in her computer chair.<p>

"Mhm." CeCe agrees. Hands wandering underneath Rocky's pillow. For the past three mintues she's been fiddling with the edge of a book and she just realized she needs to pull it out. She opens the diary like book to pages of stick figure doodles, daily calorie counts and updates of herself.

"Hey, Rocky what is-"

Before she can finish her sentence Rocky has already snatched the book out her hand, "CeCe, _what _the _hell _are you doing?"

"Rocky, calm down. I was only looking. It's not a big deal-"

"It _is _a big deal, okay? What were you raised in a barn? You don't just go through people's things without _their _permission!" Rocky's facial appearance is not as soft as it usually is.

Cecilia can see that her bright glow isn't there anymore, her prefect personality if buried deep. Cecilia doesn't know this girl, she just knows that she isn't Rocky, her best friend.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how private it was to you. I'm sorry."

_Deep breaths, calm down Rocky._"I'm.. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to get so aggressive. I'm sorry CeCe. But really if your going to snoop at least ask." The two girls giggle a little, then hug, then go to asleep.

CeCe ignores the low growls of Rocky's stomach.


	4. Model It Up!

**A/N:**** BERRYMARYSHERRY – A Facade is a french word (I think) for fake. A coccyx is your tale bone. And sure you can say that, I guess. Sorry for any mistakes, I'll try harder. Thanks for the reviews, enjoy.**

**Model It Up!**

Ana seeps into Rocky's brain and finds a comfortable seating. She tells her what is right for her body, what can make her happy.

It's been about four weeks, basically a month by now. She's been trying so hard but she's only 99.6 pounds. It's harder than she thought. Now matter how hard she tries she has to listen to the voice inside her head.

She makes sure that no one, not even CeCe, finds out so soon. Last night was close, she'll just be more safe.

The night was filled with her best friends light snore and ruffled sheets. Rocky's thoughts were filled with peculiar ideas. She thought of was she could die, ways she could get lost in her own home, about CeCe and how she used to ache to kiss her.

But that last one was normal. She likes boys, oh she loves boys! Rocky just thought every set of (girl) best friends have had a fantasy about each other. But that was a while ago, and CeCe knows that now.

Rocky's in the bath tub. She read somewhere one day, on some pro-eating disorder websites, cold bath helps. It builds up your metabolism which helps fight off the calories. That makes her think again. Of how maybe the cold water cold shut off her kidneys or compress her lungs. How her heart could freeze over and stop her blood from flowing.

She thinks of vampires and how lucky they are they don't have to eat. How if she was a vampire she'll never get to be perfect. _Once your a vampire you body is stuck that way. And your aren't close to being what we are aiming for._

Rocky steps out of the tub and stands in front of the mirror. She takes slow breathes as she looks at here bare body. The faint out lines of her ribs underneath her breast. The way her spine stands out at the top of her neck. The way it's going to feel when she hits ninety pounds solid.

She holds her breathe and doesn't let it out until she covers herself in a towel. The walk back to her room is slow and cautious not to hit a floor board that creeks. She's afraid her body weight will crash down and she'd be stuck there for ages.

When she reaches her room she gets dressed pretty fast. She wears a pair of ripped skinny jeans with a light blue tank top and a floral designed half shirt. On top she wears a gray and short sleeved sweater.

"When the hell did I start dressing like this?" She asked herself, since CeCe is still sleeping.

* * *

><p>"When did you wake up this morning?" CeCe asked. It's about twelve thirty and she's only been up for almost an hour.<p>

"Um, around eleven fifteen. About twenty minutes after you had woken up." Rocky watches CeCe put a spoon full of frozen yogurt in her mouth.

_Not yet, Rocky. Not yet. _

Rocky twirls her frozen yogurt for the hundredth time. It looks like soup now. There's a strand of hair making friends with her eyelashes. She would get it off but that would require to much. If she moves too often, CeCe might discover she hasn't touch her deadly desire.

_Ballerina's have to be skinny my dear, Rocky. Remember how you were ballerina, your twig legs stretching before rehearsals. I wished you stayed a ballerina, then you would have had to be skinny._

".. and I shouldn't be eating so much of it, I'm already _fat_." Rocky has suddenly started listening to CeCe again.

"You're not fat, CeCe." The words come to fast. She seems to be pressed on the subject. Eager but distant.

"I know." CeCe pushes the empty cup of frozen yogurt to the edge of the table. "You're not fat either, Rocky."

Her pretty brown eyes catch the light as she looks up at CeCe. The words floating over top of her head.

* * *

><p>When it's time to go to work Rocky wears her hair up. It's easier to deal with when it's like that. But soon she'll have to keep it up so people won't realize it's falling out.<p>

Rocky barely feels when CeCe is smacking her arm but she knows she needs to react.

"I can't believe it, I can't believe it! That's Napoleon Fontae! The legendary editor of glam magazine!" CeCe goes on and on with out caring if Rocky doesn't care or if the hits hurt.

"Oh, so he's some fashion guy?" Rocky has a mini heart attack when CeCe wheezes. She's done something wrong?

"He's not _some _fashion guy. He's _the_ fashion guy! He worked with Cindy, Iman Linda and Giselle."

"Who are they?" Rocky ask, CeCe takes another sudden quick breath.

"Would you stop that!" Rocky tells her.

Gary comes over with Mr. Fontae. He's obviously big in the fashion industry. The size of his coat and the way he walks. I hope that's not real animal fur, Rocky thinks to herself. CeCe wheezes again when Gary mentions he's here to meet them.

"You should really see a doctor about that wheeze," was his response.

Mr. Fontae introduces himself briefly before going into the reason he's here. They were on a billboard her saw on his way to the airport. When he told CeCe how beautiful and _perfect_ he was Rocky wasn't surprised. She's always been the one.

But when he pushes her aside Rocky _is surprised, _but she doesn't quite show it. He tells her that she is unique and striking. And the question about of a tall parent is because you have to be tall to be a model.

CeCe tries to squeeze her way in. She shows him a picture of her dressed as a strawberry for this store they always used to tag along with their mother's to.

But no matter what. He wants Rocky. She can't help but feel... pretty.

* * *

><p>Rocky has learned a few things today. Kate Moss has never dressed as a strawberry. She could be some great model if she wants to. And he stomach is not growling. She also learned that CeCe has been taking modeling classes from Gunther. She hopes in the bottom of her stomach he doesn't turn out gay.<p>

They put Rocky in an all white dress and huge angel wings. Everyone claps when she enters the room but she isn't sure why.

"Why is everybody clapping?" She asks.

Mr. Fontae smiles, "Well they are clapping for you Raquel."

_He's lying, he's a fashion model. He can sense your imperfection,_ Rocky smiles none the less.

"Um, thanks but I prefer Rocky." She says in a kind voice not being to pushy.

"No, no. Raquel. But I do reserve the right to change it to: Zu Zu." He says.

"Zu Zu?" Rocky repeats.

The photo shoots goes on anyway, with a CeCe that is a show stealer no matter how hard she tries. Mr. Fontae stills loves her though, only her.

He tells her that she's so good he wants to pack her to New York. Rocky isn't sure, she'll leave everything included herself, or she could go on with it and become a Zu Zu in a Rocky shell.

She says yes, she'll love to move to New York. No one seems like they are going to miss her anyways.

So in a few hours she'll be gone to stay with her Aunt and become something pretty. She'll be moving away from the things that give her life, to experience the thing that is the cause of death for Raquel Blue.


	5. Hell

**A/N:**** BERRYMARYSHERRY – No problem, Hun. And since I'm trying to make this realistic and different I choose Rocky. She just seems like there is more to explore about her. I didn't pick CeCe because it's kind of obvious that someone like her to be anorexic. And if someone has such a skinny friend like CeCe, wouldn't they be jealous?**

**Story of my life bro! = )**

**And guess what? I was trying to write this chapter. I was SO INTO IT that I missed 11:11. Now I- I'm so mad it's all of you guys fault. **

**Destination Hell**

Rocky stands outside of the limo. Her bags are already packed and stuffed inside. She's about to make the long journey to New York. Just to be a model.

_CeCe, Ty, Deuce. CeCe, Ty, Deuce. _She repeats their names and memories their faces. She doesn't want to forget Chicago. She doesn't want to leave it behind.

They make sure everything is packed, her clothes, underclothes, shoes, magazines everything. Except Rocky. Rocky doesn't need to be packed, Rocky can't come along.

She hugs each of them the same amount of seconds, barely wanting to let go.

She climbs into the limo and waves a final goodbye to everyone.

Next Stop: Destination Hell.

* * *

><p>The airplane ride sucked. She's so jet lagged that it hurts to stand. Feet to lazy to drag her along.<p>

Her iPod sits in her hand and the earphones are practically attached to her. She's suppose to wait. Suppose to see some guy with a sign saying: Rocky.

All she sees is a young man. A little older looking than she is. Around the age of sixteen maybe fifteen. _He's cute, _she thinks. His brown hair messaging the back of his neck as he moves his head. His blue eyes grazing the crowd for a... Rocky?

_Is he waiting for me?_

The sign he has is being held upside down. It looks like a Rocky it's almost spelled like a Rocky, but it's not a Rocky. It's a Raquel.

She stands there a few seconds later before it dawns on her. She's Raquel.

"Hi, um. I think you're waiting for me?" She says, head lowered. He's to handsome for her. To perfect looking.

His voice is smooth. Like warm hot chocolate down the throat. "Are you..." He turns the sign right side up. "Raquel?"

"I think so. I mean, yeah I'm Raquel but everyone calls me Rocky Mr. Fontae thought Raquel would sound better, I mean it's not a bad name it's just something I haven't gone by in ages and-"

"You talk a lot." He smiles. Crossing his arms. His teeth white as diamonds.

"Sorry, I- I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's not everyday girls like you get to meet guys like me." He takes some bags that look heavy enough. "Follow."

Rocky doesn't quite like him anymore. He seems cocky, arrogant, self centered, but she's still drawn to him. Damn. Looks can be deceiving.

"Where are we going? You're still a stranger you know! I've been taught very young not to talk to strangers let alone follow them into darkness can you at least tell me your name maybe I won't feel so bad you should-" She blabbers again.

He stops and turns around, puts a hand on her lips and says," You were a lot hotter when you were back there looking like a lost puppy."

"And you were probably so much hotter, without such a fake tan, perfect hair, and jaw dropping smile. Natural is in this season." Rocky states quoting Mr. Fontae.

"Names Luke. You can call me Luke or Lucas. It's not that I don't like my name it's just I haven't been called it in such a long time and-" he stops. "That's what you sound like."

Rocky folds her arms and tries hard not to smile.

"Come on beautiful, Uncle Napoleon is waiting."

* * *

><p>They spend thirty minutes together. They ride in a smaller white limo on the way to her aunts house.<p>

She's doesn't really remember her. She came for Thanksgiving a few years ago, but she's still a stranger to Rocky.

When she gets there the lady who's her aunt (apparently) gives her a huge hug. She wraps her arm around her shoulder and brings her inside. Leaving Luke to handle all her bags.

"So this is your room. It's not completely re-modeled but we are getting there, we just received the call you were coming yesterday!" She says, mouth in a smile.

Rocky smiles and nod, her wind blown hair sticking to her lip glossed lips. The door slams followed by a bag or something hitting the floor. Foot steps travel up the stairs as someone calls out for _mom._

_She has a kid, a girl._

When the new stranger finally finds her mother her eyes immediately fall to Rocky. The girl is caramel colored, face smoother than milk chocolate. Her feet are placed together and Rocky just thinks: _She's so thin._

Her brown hair is tied in a pony tail and swings just shy of her tiny shoulders.

"Hi," she says to Rocky. Light brown eyes gleaming. Rocky nods and mumbles something about suitcases before leaving the room.

Downstairs all her stuff are piled in the hall of the entrance to the apartment.

"You could have brought them inside you know." She picks up her tiny pink carrying bag and hold on to a pink poke a dot suitcase.

"I could but, normally I get paid for these kind of things." His arms fold around his muscualr tight chest.

"I have no money."

"I don't usually do this but. Kisses work." He draws closer but she pushes him away with one hand. He's stronger than her and if he wanted too, could over power her. But he's a good boy, at least for now.

"Whatever. I have to, you should be getting a phone call either later today or early tomorrow. Be up a little before 9." He walks over bags of blue, pink, and purple then disappears in cold air.

Rocky will be up by nine. She'll be up before than. She'll be up at five doing laps around this whole neighborhood if she has too.


	6. I Said No!

**A/N:**** BERRYMARYSHERRY – hmm , you're just going to have to wait and find out. ;)**

**OK guys, SO SORRY I'm late. I was busy with.. stuff. Ha no really, school keeps me busy and other commitments so I'm sorry.**

**I Said No!**

"This is so exciting, it's your first day right? No wonder you're a model you're so pretty." Rocky's aunt gushes out when they are all sitting at the table.

"Thanks Aunt Maria, it means a lot." Rocky says softly. The morning has been terrible because it was so cold when she went out today. The grounds were wet from last nights down pour and she couldn't take it.

The table is filled with plates full of pancakes, bacon, eggs and sausage. Rocky wonders if they eat like this everyday.

"You don't have to be shy Rocky, take whatever you want." Aunt Maria says out loud this time. She finds it hard to say things to Rocky because she isn't use to her.

"Oh, I'm not really a morning eater. I eat usually around lunch time." _Good make them believe it._

"That's fine, Sasha isn't a very active eater either."

Rocky dies inside, maybe they could be friends. Share forbidden secrets with each other, travel down the left path to perfection. Sasha smiles at Rocky for a split second before giving her mom 'the look'.

The clock on the wall, microwave, and her cell phone tells her she only has ten minutes left. Her plate is filled with half a pancake and eggs. She doesn't eat them, she doesn't have to. The best part is they won't suspect a thing.

"I'm going to wait outside for Jonathan. He should be here soon." Rocky states, just wanting to leave already. Her aunt nods and she gets up from the table.

"Can I wait with you? You're going to look awkward all alone." Sasha says, pink lips gaped open.

_Sure, _"Yeah, come on."

The outside air seems to have warmed up, just a little. Rocky can still feel it through her leather jacket. Sasha sits on the stairs with her wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and an orange v-neck shirt.

"Aren't you freezing? It's so cold out here." Rocky couldn't bother asking as she shakes her leg.

"Nope, I'm just fine." Sasha places her lips in a thin line. "So, what made you want to become a model?"

"Nothing. Napoleon just showed up one day on the set of Shake It Up! Chicago and said I was 'unique'." Rocky states trying to keep her teeth from chattering.

"Oh, well, you deserve it. You're really pretty." Sasha smiles so the comment would sound much more real. It's not that she didn't mean, it's that she wanted to say so much more.

Rocky blushes and melts on the inside. She knows she's not pretty, not yet. "Thanks."

Rocky feels like she should tell Sasha how beautiful she is. How her light brown hair compliments her light completion. It curls at the end and Rocky feels jealous. Her hair will never obey like that.

Just when she's about to speak, there is a car horn. Luke steps out the back and head gestures for her to come. Sasha and Rocky share an awkward goodbye with an awkward hug. They giggle and she's on her way.

_You're one step ahead._

* * *

><p>Everyone seems so excited for a new member of the agency to walk in. She's the youngest so everyone crowd around her like a new born baby. Luke is the only one that rolls his eyes and leans across a wall.<p>

_Every single one of them is thin. Thinner than you. I can change that, only if you let me._

There is a table filled with goodies, like cookies, brownies, fruits. Rocky stomach growls so loud it causes an earthquake. 5.0 on the Ricker Scale. The world cracks under her weight and is engulfed by the lava that lays deep inside.

The questions come to fast. It blurs in her mind and she tries her best but can't keep up. Napolean pulls the towns people away from Frankenstein so it can breathe.

"OK, everyone. This is Raquel Blue. She is a new little model that will be working with all of you eventually, please. Make her feel at home." Napoleon orders before walking aside from her.

Explains how everything works around here. How people are suppose to act. She even discovers that Luke is a male model too, and Napoleon's nephew.

_He's a douche,_ is what she really wants to say when they are talking about him. "He's so nice. Helped me with my bags and everything." This makes Napoleon happy. If she can't be doesn't mean everyone can't.

* * *

><p>Her first photo shoot will be a new clothing line from Marc's. It's feels like winter so she hopes it's something she can cuddle into, and it is. The designer lady take her measurements and she hope that everything fits right. That they don't show how fat she is when she can't fit into it.<p>

They all magically become the perfect fit and she's ready to go.

"You look rather... hot." Luke says gleaming pearly white teeth.

"If I give you five bucks would you leave me alone?" She grits her teeth and narrows her eyes. Her chin id tilted up right so she can seem bigger.

The brings her chin down a little lower and whispers into her ear, "That would be no fun will it?"

Her hands push him away before she wanted them too. But it's good, she's here for business, nothing else.

* * *

><p>After the photo shoot outside seems to have gotten colder. The snow falls lightly and she wishes she was back 'home' under her sheets.<p>

"Come with me," She hears someone say. The voice is too cocky and has to much swagger for it to be anyone else but Luke's.

"My aunt's going to pick me up, I told you that." She says, teethe chattering like crazy. She feels the cold in her hips and it doesn't feel good.

"You're freezing. Call your aunt and tell her she doesn't need to come. Trust me, it'll be fun." His eyes push her over and she does as she is told.

The diner is half empty and is filled with travelers and people that are too bored to go home. Luke makes her order hot chocolate to warm up. He orders a massive amount of food only a boy could handle.

"I bet I can guess your favorite color." He says, mouth filled with pancakes, syrup and orange juice. Rocky flinches every time she see him swallow his death trap.

"Nope. Not unless I've told you. And last time I recalled you know nothing about me." She says with her hands around the cup. It's too warm to let go but too hot to keep holding onto for long.

"Okay then. Let's play twenty questions. You can ask first."

"Whatever..." she waits a moment to think of the questions. "Um, what's your favorite color?"

"Green. Give me something harder."

Rocky flinches again to the sound of him sucking the syrup of his fingers. "Okay... Ice cream or frozen yogurt?"

"Not that hard!" He laughs. It's rich and make Rocky smile, "Frozen yogurt all the way."

Rocky face goes into a surprised look, "Fro Yo and obviously trying to be Ice cream by being frozen. It's not fair."

"Nope Fro Yo, baby." Rocky laughs and he notices. "You have a beautiful laugh."

"Thanks I guess," she sips on her hot chocolate, just a little. "But anyway. True loves or hook ups?"

"I would say true love, but that would make you fall in love with me even more." He pushes his plate to the side and look up with his green orbs.

"Don't do that, don't ruin it."

He doesn't reply but instead he calls the waitress over to pay for what he ate. She's a blonde tall one with huge brown eyes. She's too fake for life in the real world.

"Aren't you going to pay for this hot chocolate?"

"You are the one that said it wasn't a date. So pay for it yourself." His voice gets a snare in it that she doesn't like. He gets too controlling sometimes she feels unsafe around him. Then he chuckles, "I'm kidding, I'll pay for it. But at least drink half of it."

Rocky looks down at the cup. Steam rises and disappears in the air. She should drink it all in one swallow and ask for more. If anything, it's to keep her warm. But she doesn't want to torture herself tonight.

"Go on, it won't hurt."

She picks up the cup and closes her eyes as the liquid slides in her throat. She drinks a little more than half and says she's done.

* * *

><p>The car ride home isn't quiet but isn't loud either. They talked when they hit stop lights so the quietness wouldn't become graceless.<p>

From in the car to outside, up the stairs and in the apartment seems to long. She'll freeze to ice before she reaches the first handle.

"I'm not walking you to your door. Your a big girl, you can do it."

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen.. and a half." He says winking her direction.

"How are you able to drive then?" She says being the Rocky she is, she wants to know everything.

"Hang around me and you'll know how to drive in about two months. Now get out, I have to go... fed my goldfish or something."

Rocky rolls her eyes and gets out the car. The cold air whispers in her hair, _not yet, not yet._

Luke pulls off before she can even get to the stairs.

* * *

><p>By the time Rocky gets to the apartment, she's so irritated she doesn't want to talk. It's all Luke's fault, he made her mad. With his good charms and persuasion. Him making her walk all the way up here by herself.<p>

_I could have gotten kidnapped and Ra-ra-ra, oh forget it._

Her aunt is sitting at the table in the dining room again. Sasha is sitting right across from her with a plate filled with food. Rocky looks for her cell phone to check the time. It's not in her jacket pockets or her pants pockets.

She must have left it in Luke's car. _No! We have everything on that phone. Our alarms to wake up for aerobics. Or memo's we wrote through the days so we won't forget. PICTURES of your bare stomach and thighs. He's going to know and it will be your fault._

"Rocky would you like to join us for dinner." Sasha ask because her mother was too afraid too.

"No, thank you. I'm really tired after my first day. I'm just going to curl up in my bed."

"Oh Rocky dear come on. I'm sure my cooking isn't _that_ bad." It's Aunt Maria talking now.

"No, I just really want to go to bed." Rocky states once more hoping they'll understand.

"It'll be fun, I promise there will be no awkward silences. We can do some girl bounding time, it'll be fun-"

"I said, no. What part of that don't you understand?" Rocky states before storming off to her room. She shuts the door roughly before locking it. She falls on her unmade bed and cries silent tears into her pillow.


	7. Stand In The Rain

**A/N:**** You know what the bother's me? When you guys favorite or story alert but DON'T REVIEW! Just Saying =), so please, please review, please? I'm going to ask for like three reviews for the next chapter.**

**Stand In The Rain**

Rocky tries her hardest to fall asleep again. Her legs and hips hurt from the early morning running. Her heart feels like it's going to fail at any moment.

It's five in the morning, and all she wishes for now is sleep. Her stomach growls under the large sheets she covered herself in.

Before she knows it she's creeping to the kitchen. Her toes light on the cold floor when she gets there. Her fingers shove open a cabinet looking for something light.

_Don't do it Rocky, you've done so well. It's been four days since you've eaten. Don't ruin it._

Rocky ignores whatever thoughts that pop in her head. She finds a bag of pretzels in a cabinet, leans against the island and takes one out. She feels the strain on her tongue and the worry that makes her face frown. Her stomach pushes when the pretzel make it down.

Her brain says no, Ana says no, her mouth says no, but Rocky is screaming yes louder than all of the voices combined.

Her mouth is soon filled with way to much but she chews, swallow, and stands still. Her hands tremble and her legs move towards the refrigerator. The dinner she didn't eat with her aunt and cousin sits there.

Cold macaroni and cheese with mash potatoes and something with vegetables in it. The fridge is her next option. She doesn't want to eat to much of anything that isn't suppose to be cold, so she takes the ice cream out.

It's four quarts of pure vanilla ice cream. A hundred and thirty calories and sixty from fat. _If it taste good, it's trying to kill you._

The lid is off before anything and she doesn't use a spoon. She take a handful of the cold desert and stuffs it in her mouth. She listens to for footsteps and something to tell her how fat she's becoming but ti doesn't matter.

The ice cream fills her stomach but she's craving more. She drinks as much soda as she can get inside her. If she doesn't stop now her stomach is going to burst, then she'll be dead.

Her body shivers from all the cold inside of her. She hold her stomach and starts to cry. The fat is seeping inside and she doesn't know what to do. The voice gets louder as her eyes cloud.

_Find your way to the bathroom, now. _

The door opens easily and she already knows where it's going. She goes to the toilet and slides her finger down her throat.

?

"Rocky, it's seven thirty." The voice isn't familiar, she jerks up because they sheets aren't hers. The bed doesn't feel like here's and it doesn't have the feeling she's used to waking up to.

Then she realizes, she's in New York. Sasha huge eyes stare at her. Her curly hair not in waves anymore but much tighter. Her lips have pink lip gloss on them and her green eyes sparkle.

"Yeah, I should be getting up." She pushes herself off the bed and rubs her eyes.

"Your mother called, brother too. They tried your phone but you weren't answering." Sasha eyes are placed on Rocky's stomach before she realizes how tight it is. Exposing all her... _fat._

Her arms get folded around herself, "Oh, I kinda left my phone somewhere. But what did they say?"

"They called to check on you, see if you were happy. Ty says when you left they were only pretending to not care. That's why you might have not called them yet?"

Rocky sighs. Of course they were pretending, she knew they loved her. "Thanks for telling me. Where's Aunt Maria."

"She's gone out." Sasha say through clinch teeth. She must be somewhere her daughter doesn't approve of.

"Okay."

?

The car that showed up for Rocky had no Luke. Not in the drivers or passengers either.

The studio was busy when she walked in. models rushing everywhere, powdered make up in the air, hairspray filling everyone's lungs. A warm hand holds Rocky's elbow. Her phone is slide into her hand and she doesn't turn around.

"You have like twenty miss calls. Three from your mom, five from your boyfriend and the rest from someone name CeCe?"

Rocky thinks for a moment. Her 'boyfriend' must be Ty. "How did you figure out my password?"

"Didn't have to. When someone called it gave me all the access I needed." Luke say with that special swagger in his voice.

Rocky spins around quickly, "You went through my stuff!" She says in a whisper.

"Now what kind of friend would I be?" Luke raises an eyebrow and corners her to a near by wall. His hand brushes away the hair from her face. Rocky closes her eyes and fears that if he gets closer, his muscle would collide with her fat.

His lips reach down to her nose and she closes her eyes. When she opens them again he's gone and she's standing there looking stupid.

?

Rocky sits in a makeup a chair with her phone pressed to her ear. She's smiling and laughing like she has no worries. She spends thirty minutes on the phone with Ty. Glancing at Luke every once in a while. She doesn't know why but she likes the feeling under his skin, now she knows why he does it so much.

He's suppose to be doing a Fall shoot with some other model Rocky doesn't know, but his mind is focused on her.

She hangs up the phone after she calls her mother. The next person on her list is CeCe. She has to call and make sure she's alright. TO make sure CeCe doesn't think she's mad at her for making her runaway to New York.

"Everything is the same in Chicago actually... Well except the fact you aren't here, You should see Deuces eyebrows!"

Rocky giggles, "I don't think I want to. But guess what? You know that model Giselle and Iman?"

"Yes, Yes, YES! What about them, have you meet them yet!"

"Not yet. They are suppose to be at some runway fashion show coming soon. But don't tell anyone, I'm not sure if I'm suppose to tell."

"Of course I won't." CeCe states, _of course you will, _Rocky thinks. "When is it, are non-models aloud to come?"

Rocky knows where she is going already, "I think so, but if you can come you can't drool all over the super hot guys. OR gush over any of the supermodels, they might kick us out!" Rocky giggles a bit.

"Now Rocky, if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be CeCe. Now would I?"

Napoleon calls for Rocky in the background and CeCe freaks out when she hear's his voice.

"Omg is that Napoleon? Can I talk to him, please, please, please Rocky?"

"Nope, gotta go, but I love you."

"Fine, love you too." Both lines go dead and Rocky smile fades when she notices Luke.

"What do you want?" She says in a defiant, stern voice.

"Why so mean Miss. Blue?" Luke says as he hold out his hand with a little sweet treat. "Here, eat this."

"Why? I don't even know what that is. I don't even know what you did to it. You could have poisoned it or put little shards of glass in it." Rocky arms are folded and her lips in a straight line.

"Wow, are you always this... this... masochistic?" He reply when he finally gets the right words.

"Nope, not yet. But I know you are. Now get that away from me." Rocky feels unsafe with such a temptation. The sugary smile fills her nostrils. He stuffs the little pastry in his mouth, devouring it in seconds. Rocky make sure she doesn't flinch.

"Aren't you afraid that you're going to die in your on sweat, or blood, or worse... yourself?"

"But doesn't everyone die in themselves?" Rocky states rasiing an eyebrow.

Luke smiles and starts to walk away, "Careful Rocky, your emptiness is showing."


	8. Go On

**A/N:**** Sorry for the late update, I have been busy and lazy at the same time. Thanks for reviews but please review!**

**Go On**

_Please tell me you'll fight this fight I, can't see without your light. I need you to breathe into my life._

_Don't tell me this is goodbye I, won't grieve it's not yet time. Each breathe breathed is keeping hope alive._

Rocky frowns. She can't sit at the dinner table because she has to go and do eighty sit ups.

Aunt Maria keeps talking and talking but neither Rocky or Sasha are listening.

Rocky eats every two minutes. Chew a least fifty times per bit. She drinks as much water she can cram into her small throat at once. Drinks as much as she can before her stomach expands and she feels fat again.

Aunt Maria pushes Sasha to eat more than what she has on her plate. Sasha say no each time. Aunt Maria has a thick skull, things don't set in the first time.

"No! I can't eat more because I'm fat, okay?" Sasha finally breaks. Rocky wanted to stand up smack the girl sitting across from her.

She doesn't know the definition of fat. She barely weighs ninety pounds and is complaining. Rocky looks down at her stomach and compares it to Sasha. In reality, they are just the same. But in Rocky's mind, she looks as if she swallowed herself.

"Oh, Sasha. You're not fat. I'm just trying to take the doctors advice and get you at a normal BMI." Her mother swipes her bangs out of her eyes, and looks at her food.

Sasha doesn't speak after that. No one does, so the only noise is the clatter of forks on glass plates.

* * *

><p>The scale reads a total of 99.5 pounds. It took her almost two months to lose so little. Five pounds in two months is pathetic. <em>You'll have to work harder, my dear.<em>

* * *

><p>"So, had fun yesterday?" Luke's breathe is on her neck and she shudders. "I gave you goosebumps. Are you feeling some type of way around me Rocky?"<p>

"Ew, not you. And get away from me you smell like... girls... and chocolate..." Rocky shivers. Whoever thought they should have a winter photo shoot outside in the freezing winter air is stupid. It's way to cold to be in just a mere sweater, jeans and some designer boots she has never heard of.

Luke grabs on of her curly cues and twirls it with his finger. "So did they tell you you'll have to do a shoot with me?"

Rocky stops breathing. Of course they told her, why wouldn't they have. It's a totally stupid idea because she doesn't want to do this with him.

"It'll be fun, I promise. All you have to do is pretend you're my sweetheart girlfriend. You know, show love for the Christmas season."

"Okay. I don't know why, but I hate you very much. And you don't make it easier when you're walking around like you own everything." Rocky flares, she's too high off annoyance and pride to not take him on.

"Psh. And they said you were the devil." He smiles a crooked smile that drives Rocky insane. She take a breath and shuts her mouth. It'll be an endless game with him.

"Leave me alone,... please...," she says arms folding in to a tight grip.

"But you're so much fun to mess with. The older models just shove me aside or think it's cute," his green eyes trap her and his voice lowers.

She looks up at him and walks away.

* * *

><p>Rocky and some of the other models are so glad to be in warm coats. They all are welcome to leave but most stay for hot chocolate and treats.<p>

Rocky wonders how the skinniest of models could feel that good eating. _Are they faking it? Are they really laughing with the other bodies around here? Are they happy doing something so forbidden to their nature?_

Rocky calls her aunt to pick her up. They have to go and make arrangements for her to get in school. They don't want anything she's good at going to waste.

She could almost smile from ear to ear if she wasn't with herself. When she gets home, she'll do forty sit-ups, twenty push-ups, and no dinner. She'll call her brother, then CeCe and her mom. She'll go to bed at ten thirty and she'll wake up at nine.

She'll have free days before she has to come back for the Christmas photo shoot. Then she'll be off til the New Year. She'll be happy when she gets back because she'll be thinner.

* * *

><p>Rocky stays quiet when she gets enrolled. She smiles and nods when appropriate and she makes sure she's polite.<p>

They stay there for an hour almost and the last bell for school rings. Kids crowd everywhere but somehow Sasha has found her was through the mess.

On the ride home she sticks her ear phones in her ears to avoid any talking with Aunt Maria. There's a lot of things she wants to ask her. Strange things that are going to make her worry so she shuts her mouth.

Her aunt moves one hand off the wheel to tap her knee. She unplugs an ear and faces her.

"So, what are you listening to love?"

Rocky frowns, "A song, about weird stuff."

"Oh, what kind of weird stuff?" She wiggles a bit in her seat.

"It's about a man, he and his girlfriend used to be best friends, but then they became lovers. He asked her to marry him and she laughed in his face. So he killed her and then raped her dead body. And he kept her heart I guess, I think he ate it." She looks straight at the road as she explains.

"Then somehow she came back to life, killed him and sent him to hell. It was her choose rather or not if he burns in hell or if he could go back to earth. She decided go back to earth, but keep in mind they are zombies. And their was this couple getting married, so they massacre everyone there. "

Aunt Maria looks straight then at Rocky. She looks through the rear view mirror and looks at Sasha. Her face is blank but she doesn't seem disturbed.

"Um, okay. And what is this song called?" Her knuckles turn as white as they can get.

"A Little Piece Of Heaven by Avenge Sevenfold. Not my usual but it works."

Sasha smiles into her light brown hair.

* * *

><p>"My mom thinks you're a freak now. I had to reassure her for you." Sasha talks as much as her mom but she makes sure she takes her time.<p>

Rocky doesn't speak because there is not much to say, and somehow Sasha saves both of them a lot of trouble by filling the void.

"So you're going to be going to my school. It'll be fun I promise, just a lot of mean girls, but you'll get used to them." Sasha smiles down focusing on the bracelet she has on her wrist. It's pretty and the diamonds shine to bright to be fake.

Rocky breathes, "Pretty bracelet, may I see it?"

Sasha eyes meet Rocky's in a second. She doesn't reply for a few seconds, "No. You can borrow anything else _but _this bracelet."

Rocky nods, it must have some sentimental value. It must be held dearly in her heart for her to not one anyone but her to hold it. Rocky has a quick flash of when her father left, all he gave her were bad memories and harsh bruises.

But that was over now.

"So, you want to cook dinner tonight with me? I promise it'll be fun."

"Um, I actually have to wake up early tomorrow. I need my rest." Rocky face is stern and stiff, no emotion of any kind.

"But I thought you didn't have to go back to work tell... after Christmas." Sasha tells her when she gets it right. It wasn't a question so Rocky cannot lie.

"Right, it slipped my mind. Sorry." Rocky's legs hurt because of the way she's sitting. Criss-crossed legs get numb after a while.

"You never eat."

_Breathe, Rocky breathe._

"And when you do, it's like two pieces."

_One_

_Two _

_Three_

_One _

_Two _

_Three_

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_OneTwoThreeOneTwoThree. _

"Okay Rocky?" Sasha's voice break through her skin, snatch away her veins and travel straight to her brain. Rocky is infected.

"Whatever you want me to do. I won't do it. I didn't hear what you say but I still won't do it."

"I didn't mean to upset you or offend you. I'm sorry, I'll leave now."

Sasha exits the room on stick thin legs. Rocky scowls herself and start the sit ups. She skips the phone calls even if they annoy her with them. Even if her aunt tells her they want to speak with her, she has to focus.

Death welcomes Rocky at the door. But she shuts him out and endures the pain.


	9. Forces

**A/N: Sorry it took forever for this. I didn't have a laptop or computer for a very long time. Hopefully people still read this. I tried my best and sorry for any mistakes.**

**Forces**

88.5,88.5,88.5,88.5,88.5,88.5,8.5…

_Come on Rocky this scale must be wrong! You CANNOT be back at 88!_

The voice inside Rocky's head yells. Since summer started she's been doing really well with her weight. She's been dropping pounds left and right. Since last Monday she was at her lowest weight of 85 pounds. There's _no way_ she could be back up 3 pounds and a half. No way she gained that much.

She looks on the scale again and nothing changes.

_Maybe it's just water weight?_ She tells herself. _Yeah that makes since, I'm just bloated._

For the past month Rocky has been dodging every meal she could. And the ones she couldn't get out of she'd eat half and work the rest of at night. Or she'll bare the choice of hanging with Luke and tell her aunt she'll eat with him, and tell him she already ate before.

But he, being who he is always presses. She has to admit she has found herself smiling more often around him, and she like the feeling in her stomach when he holds her hand or whispers things in her ear. But they'll pretend nothing happened the next day.

Rocky spends most of her days in her room or watching TV with Sasha. They talk about teenage girl stuff and what they what to look like when they get older. Rocky always chooses her words correctly.

(BREAK)

One late night phone call to CeCe makes her feel nostalgic about home. She knows she's missing everything she has left behind and CeCe talks about how she's miserable without but has caught the attention of guy, with curly blonde hair and ocean eyes.

"How about you Rocky. Got any of those HottieLomottyWithTheSwimmersBody pursuing you?"

"No, CeCe. I don't. I'm just a lone wolf and I want to be a lone wolf."

"Rocky, come on. You're telling me you have nothing going on with ANY BOY in NEW YORK!"

Rocky thinks of Luke for a minute before shaking her head. Trying to convince herself that she feels absolutely nothing. And plus, with CeCe's big mouth, the whole Chicago will know.

"Yes, CeCe I'm sure. Now tell about this guy!"

CeCe squeals, "Well he's tall and has the cutest smile! His name is Christopher and he makes me melt like a Popsicle on a hot summer day! Woo!"

"Um, CeCe. What's up with all these Hannah Montana references?" Rocky raises an eyebrow.

"I have no idea!" The two girls laugh on the each end. But really Rocky wishes to be back in her own bed.

"You should come visit this summer. It'll be so much fun. I could actually take you to meet some of my co-workers. Just promise to not harass!" Rocky says.

"Psh, harass? Me? No!"

(BREAK)

The next morning Rocky awakes to a knock at her door before it is pushed slowly open. It's Sasha who peaks her head through. Curly hair and bright eyes and the biggest smile spread on her face.

"Hey Rocky, mom and I are going to go out and do some shopping. We tried to wake you up sooner but you wouldn't budge. You won't feel too bad if you were here alone would you?" Sasha says with the slightest turn her doe eyes become large a sad looking.

"Oh, no. I'll be just fine. I need to catch up on some sleep before work tomorrow. Thank you though." Rocky says almost fully awake now. Sasha skips out of the room and Rocky notices she has flowers in her hair.

_Why is she so perfect! You need to be that thin! _Rocky sighs as she sits up in her bed. Her muscles are sore and she groans in reply. She pushes herself out of bed and heads to the kitchen and grabs a tall glass and fills it with water. She drinks two glasses before she goes back to her room.

"At least I have the house to myself." Rocky starts to make her way over to her dresser to pick up her hair brush when her phone beeps, signaling that she has a new message. When she opens her phone she notices it's from Luke.

"Of course," she smiles as she reads the text though. _"We should hang today. Motorcycle ride?"_

"_Sure. Downtown in an hour?"_

"_I'll pick you up, lovely lady__"_

She smiles brighter as she puts her phone back down and proceeds to brushing her hair.

(BREAK)

About an hour and thirty minutes later Rocky is clothed in Aztec printed leggings, black Doc Martin's and a black crop top. The days of her dressing in twenty five multiple colors and tutu's soon left her after coming to New York even though she misses her more kid days. Her phone goes off again and she just knows that's Luke getting irritated for waiting so long.

When she finally makes it outside she sees Luke, leaning coolly against a slick black motorcycle. In biker gear, boots, and glasses. Rocky eyes catches his and as he winks at her.

"It took you long enough. You don't have much to cover up." He says and earns an eye roll from Rocky.

"You asked to accompany me today. I could very well turn around and go back inside."

"Oh c'mon Rocky. Laugh a little." He says flashing a smile. "Get on."

He motions to the bike which Rocky hesitates. She feels as if she should chastise him about where he got the bike, from whom, how safe it is etc… but she wants and needs to have fun! Staying in the house will just drift her into depression. She hops on to the back of the bike and grabs the helmet he hands her and says her prayers.

If she dies, at least she's with him.

He drives off and she holds onto him for dear life. They ride through alley ways and the few vacant streets of New York. They zoom past kids and stray animals. Rocky feels like she's in a high speed chase. They ride for about thirty minutes but it feels like all day to her. Luke parks in front of a corner diner.

"Come on, I'm food deprived." He says while yanking at Rocky's arm.

"I'm coming, stop trying to tear my limbs off."

As they enter the small diner Rocky follows right behind Luke. The place is basically half empty but there are still a lot of eyes. Luke has a quick convo with one of the guys over the counter before finding them a sit. He picks up one of the black menus on the table and starts looking around before he notices Rocky just staring at him.

"I know I'm a pleasure to your eyes and all but staring isn't very polite," he says sarcastically.

Rocky smiles, "Well neither are you, but I tolerate it. Plus, I'm not very hungry so I don't need to look at the menu."

"You're _never_ hungry. How is that? Please tell me the science behind teenage girl hunger."

"I'm just not hungry. Keep in mind you're a boy and I'm a girl." She says flipping her long hair back.

"I fancy you Rocky Blu."

"Just because you fancy someone doesn't mean you have to be mean to them."

"I'm not being mean. Just realistic." He say as the waiter comes up to the table, "Order something, eat it and I'll leave you alone about this."

_What?! That's breaking your fast. You've been at it for four days, you can't break it now. Find a way out!_

"Okay whatever."


	10. Dizzy Spells

**Sorry for the long wait. I've been really busy. And I know this is short but the next chapter will be up after 4 reviews. :)**

* * *

><p>Rocky head is pounding from the bright lights. The flash of the camera's burn her eyes. But her makeup is too pretty to cry it out and she needs to finish this shoot today. She hasn't eaten since her 'get together' with Luke yesterday.<p>

And she stayed up till three this morning working off every single calorie. She wishes she was dead by now.

She wonders if anyone noticed her dizziness or the weight loss. She wishes she could hide away and stay there till she reaches 75 pounds.

As soon as they say she's done she can breathe a sigh of relief. She can stop smiling for a second and show how she really feels. She goes to the bathroom. Yanks off the expensive jewelry and sets the bag she was holding to match with them neatly on the floor. She sits down next to them and draws her knees closer. She jerks when she heres a soft knock on the door.

She springs up and wish she hadn't because her stomach flutters and her head spins and her vision is nothing but huge black dots before her. She balances herself in hopes to not fall and black out. She gathers everything before making her way to the door. When she opens it she see's its Giselle.

Giselle is one of the top models here. She's been on more runways shows than she is old. She's 5'11 with long blonde hair that never gets out of place. She holds a charming smile and has the voice of baby and the laugh of an angel. And she's so thin Rocky never eats around her when she has too or when they have little celebrations.

"Oh, sorry Giselle." She says looking down at the outfit she wears. Some bikini that makes her look like a Victoria's secret model.

"It's fine Zuzu. Oh and I love your hair like that." She says with a perfect smile. Rocky tries not to smile too hard so she doesn't look like a stupid monkey.

"Thanks," she whispers and walk away.

* * *

><p>Rocky paces back and forth trying to debate on rather she should eat or not. She could resist and in ten minutes her aunt will be here to pick her up. When she gets home she could say she already ate and spend the rest of the day sleeping.<p>

The headache that is pounding is the only reason she actually _wants_ to eat. And fainting won't be fun either.

She decides against eating. After all headaches come and go and she has never fainted before. She'll be fine.

The buzz of her phone in her back pocket tells her her ride is outside. She picks up her bag from the floor and starts to head out. She gets pulled back by a tight grip that traps her between a hard chest and a wall. She's about to scream when she realizes who's eyes she's looking into.

"Ugh! Luke get off me!" She screams with angry. She can't stand the closeness of his body but she's way to weak to even make him budge.

He backs up a little but keeps a slight hold on her arm so she couldn't move.

"Calm down. I just wanted to ask you something." He looks into her browns eyes as she rolls them and lets out something that sounds like whatever. He lets go her arm. "One of my friends is having a huge party tonight. And I kinda need a date. Please?"

_Are you serious?_

"You almost gave me a heart attack to ask me out? No. I won't go with you." She folds her arms and starts to walk away again.

"Come on Rocky. You _never_ have fun. You've _never_ been to a New York party. Come on, it'll be fun. And we don't have to be together all night. Please? I'll never bother you again!"

"Why did ask me? Don't you have girls literally throwing themselves at you?"

"Something like that. But you're the only sincere girl I know. I can legitly smile around you. Andddd we're relatively the same age."

Rocky stands debating his reasoning, but she can't say no to his perfect little smirk. "Whatever."

"Great! pick you up at ten!"


	11. Party

**A/N: sorry for the long wait. **

Rocky doesn't know if she belongs in this type of place. The lights are so low that just looking at her cell phone is way too bright. The music is so loud she can feel it though her chest.

She wears a denim jean jacket, pink Chuck's and a mini skirt. A tight fitted white shirt that exposes her flat stomach and how small her boobs are.

Entering the huge mansion made her feel so small. There were people everywhere! She gripped on to Luke's hand much tighter, scared that the first five seconds in being in such a strange place she'd loose the only person she knows.

"How many people do you think are at this party?" She attempts to ask. He doesn't reply and she just takes it as him not hearing her over the loud music. They just keep weaving their way through the crowd of people. When they finally make a stop its sudden and she bumps into Luke's back. He suddenly turns around like he forgot she was with him the whole time.

"These are my friends. Act like you know how to be around humans for the rest of the night. Ok?" He says and looks to her as if she's a child before giving her a sarcastic smile. She wanted so badly to slap him before asking him what's that suppose to mean, but instead she bites her tongue. He's always a jerk.

When Rocky see's his friends all she wants to do is role her eyes and say "of course". The group was made up of at five guys and two girls. The guys were all tall which made her feel short for her five eleven stature. Luke does a complicated handshake with the guys before he takes a step back to introduce Rocky as his 'good friend'. Rocky stomach turns.

Rocky waits patiently for Luke to make the effort to remember that she's here. She quickly clears her throat and her turns around as if he remembered he brought her here.

"Oh guys, this is my friend Rocky. One of my uncle's models." He says causally as if she wasn't important. His friends shake her hand and ask her a few questions but nothing more. Maybe she wasn't important here. After all, this house is huge! She swore she heard one of the guys ask if she was is girl but he just smiled. Rocky blushed.

She fiddles with the ends of her hair and picks at the rim of her skirt. She's glad that she doesn't feel like she's intruding and tries to sneak of when no one is looking.

Luke grabs her arm, "Where'd you think you're sneaking off to?"

"No where, I don't want to get lost," she says innocently. Batting her long eyelashes.

"Come here I want to show you something. Hey guys I'll see you later," Luke calls out before gripping Rocky's arm tighter. He has to learn to be gentler.

He leads her through the crowd, cutting corners and bumping into heavy shoulders. She cast her eye down and stares at her shoes as they make their way through the heated crowd. They slip into an empty room. Dark and cold compare to the heat of the warm bodies downstairs. The music still loud enough for them to hear upstairs with a shut door.

Rocky's eyes make out the faint furniture in the room. A small couch and chairs with a flat screen on the wall. "How many rooms are in this place?"

"Eight, but that's beside the point." He says as he heads farther into the room through another door. Rocky follows. "Close your eyes." She does as he says.

She hears a shuffle and switch and a whisper to open her eyes. When she does she's blinded by the light that makes the room illuminate. There are pictures all over the walls of Mr. Fontae's models from this year's issue. As she looks down the line she sees her face on two of the most recent issues.

"I knew you were in love with me. Didn't know it was this obsessive." She says through a smile.

"Don't flatter yourself. This is a small studio of my friend Scooter."

"Scooter?"

"Okay Miss. Professional. His real name Jimmy but no one has real names anymore ZuZu," Jake says in an amusing voice.

"Ugh, please not that name again." She says rubbing her temples, "Does he work for your uncle or is this just a project in the making?"

He reaches over to pull her close to him, "Something like that. Now look, I'm about to show you next month's issue. And you have to promise not to breathe a word."

Being so close to him and his lips makes Rocky light headed. Or it could be the lack of food in her system. "Promise."

He opens a draw and pulls out a stack of photos. "Here gorgeous." She slowly takes the pictures from him as she looks in awe. _Am I really that beautiful?_

"Wow. This is amazing." She doesn't notice Luke leave her side and makes his way to the door. He turns the knob to open the door before turning off the light. "Luke what are you doing?" She takes the photos and places them carefully in the draw before following Luke. She goes out the smaller to collide with a hard chest. "Ouch!"

"Shh." He puts a finger to her lips before tracing them softly. "Is it okay if I-I kissed you?"

"But we don't like each other remember?"

He taps his finger on her bottom lip before kissing her by surprise. Rocky doesn't know what she's supposed to do. Sure she kissed a boy before but she was only 12 and it was a stupid dare by CeCe.

Nonetheless she leans into him. Feeling his warmth. Then he stomach caves in and she never felt this type of hunger before. It's like he was sucking all the life from her as his tongue grazes hers. It makes her jump. She uses her hand to push him away. Feeling his heartbeat against her small palm.

Her eyes flutter open and she stumbles as she's trying to take a step back. The dizziness consumes her and she feels faint but Luke keeps her balanced.

"This never happened ok?" He just stares at her and she feels so ashamed. He head starts to pound as her stomach growls loudly.

"You okay? Do you need to sit down?" He says holding both her arms now.

"Yeah, please take me home."


	12. Take Me

I'm Alive

**A/N: I know it took like FOREVER. But stuff came up and I was REALLY tied up, honestly. I had to go through a lot since my last update and I still am struggling with things so please forgive me. But I do understand if you guys hate me. Please read and review and enjoy. Four reviews for next. #LoveY'All**

Rocky stumbles into the house after what seems like a forever car ride home. She thanks her lucky stars that the lights were left home and her aunt was a _very_ heavy sleeper. She shuts the door quietly before making a quick rush to her room, noting that Sasha door is still cracked with the lights on.

She shuts her door firmly before the first teardrop can fall. She places a hand over her mouth and doesn't understand why she's crying. It was a stupid kiss. And that was all, he didn't even mean it.

_Who would love a fatty like you? _The voice in her head reminds her. She wipes away the third tear before plopping on her bed. She reaches in her pocket for her cell phone and starts to rub her temple. She clicks on the only contact she could call at almost one in the morning. (12 to her family back in Chicago)

"Hey!" A cheerful CeCe answers after the third ring.

Rocky clears her throat before reply with a,"Hey best friend! How are things?"

"Just peachy. It's been a bit boring for a while but I guess it's picking back up. How are _you_?"

_How am I? _Rocky thinks to herself. "Um, I'm fine. Just had a pretty rough few hours."

"Really? Why late night at a model party or something?" CeCe voice gets more curious.

"It was a party but not from work. Remember the boy Luke? Yeah, he invited me to this stupid party with his stupid friends…. He kissed me." Rocky blurts out.

It takes CeCe a minute to reply. "Are you guys like a thing now? He's pretty cute, I saw the last issue he was last month with you. And darling, I approve!"

"Ew, CeCe. That's gross, ugh. Can we not talk about this anymore?" Rocky waits for CeCe to agree before she continues, getting cut off by a male voice in the background.

"Who'd that be?" Rocky asked.

"Oh, that's just my lovely now boyfriend Chris in the back." CeCe giggles and Rocky wants to gag. She doesn't want to invade no longer in the time she is spending with this _Chris_ boy. Then she realizes how late it must be for a boy and CeCe to be hanging together.

"What is he doing there so late?"

"Well, Finn is at a sleepover and my mother is late at work. But we're just hanging out, nothing special."

Rocky rolls over on her bed, lying flat on her growling stomach. "Oh. But you would tell me right? I know it's hard to keep things up but you're still my best friend. So you have to keep me up on these things."

CeCe giggles, "Oh course Rocky. I love you too much to not tell you something so important. Plus, he's about to leave anyways. Call you later?"

Rocky sighs, "Of course."

Rocky sits up in her bed and notices that she didn't turn the light on when she got in her room. She stands and flicks the switch that illuminates the mess she made trying to find a stupid out fit for the stupid party that stupid Luke dragged her too.

She throws everything back in their respectful place and pulls out a pair of pajama pants and a tank top to sleep in. She feels her lips and closes her eyes. Her stomach growls.

She opens her eyes and lets out a breathe she didn't know she was holding.

_You are too fat for anyone to love you._

Rocky peels off the clothing she was wearing and throws them in her hamper. She leaves her bra and underwear on and goes to take a look in her full length mirror. She sucks in her stomach as far as she could.

She shakes her head and starts to turn away when she hears a knock at door that pushes it agape a bit. A head peaks through at her surprise and she pulls her clothes tighter to her chest.

Sasha's head peaks through the door before sliding her whole body through.

"Sorry for the interruption…. Wow. You're like uber tiny." Sasha says looking down at Rocky's legs.

Rocky crosses her feet. Suddenly irritated by Sasha's invasion of privacy. "What do you want, Sasha."

Sasha notices her discomfort and suddenly becomes shy, "Sorry but I just wanted to see if you were OK and asked how the party was. But if you don't want me here I can go." She tugs at the strap sleeve of her shirt and starts to turn around.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just a little on edge and I'm tired. Just let me change and I'll come to your room and we can talk, OK?" Sasha smiles at that and disappears out the door just as easy as she came in.

Rocky signs and pulls the long pajamas pants on after her thin tank top. She pulls on her bedroom slippers and checks her phone for any missed alerts and is kind of disappointed when she doesn't have any.

_Stupid Luke. _

Rocky turns her light back off after throwing her phone face down on her pillow and head to Sasha's room.

(BREAK)

Rocky wakes up with a headache and hair that is not here's shading her face from the sunlight pouring in. She hears heavy breathing which only means the person next to her is asleep. She rolls over and notice she fell asleep in Sasha's room.

Her stomach growls. Thank goodness its Sunday and she will be going back to work on Monday. She rises from the bed and pushes off heavy covers and gets insulted with cold air on her brown skin.

Her stomach growls again. She can't eat. She won't eat. She can only close her eyes and wish the hunger back down.

Rocky trails a hand through her hair and pushes it past her shoulder. She thinks about Luke last night. How the kiss made her feel like she was starving. Starving for something that isn't the pleasure of eating. It burned in the pit of her stomach as his warm lips were on hers. It made her hairs rise and her throat throb for him. She wanted to hold him and lay down with him, but she couldn't. And she never will.

Sasha stirs in her bed which makes Rocky stand up a little too fast and almost trip over her own feet. She rushes out of the room to enter hers. She throws herself on her bed after grabbing her phone off her pillow. When she buries herself under her thick white covers she unlocks her phone and notices she has four unread messages and seven missed calls. She checks the messages and two are from Luke while the other two are from her other urging her to call her back. Then she checks her missed call and see's three are from her mom and the remaining four from Luke.

She ignores him and calls her mom. She apologies for being distant for the last three days and reassure her mom that everything is fine and she doesn't want or need her mom to come from Chicago all the way to New York to take care of her 'baby'. Especially with Luke lurking. But she doesn't tell her mother _that _much. Rocky says her byes and tells her mom how much she loves and misses everyone before hanging up.

Rocky looks at Lukes number again on her screen. She feels the buring kiss on her lips again and it goes to her core. Making her feel wired. She closes her eyes and pretends she's back in the moment.

_No one can love you because you're a fat ass. Look at you. You make me fucking sick!_ She hears a voice say that sound terribly like Luke and opens her eyes to her ceiling again. Her throat is suddenly dry and she swallows hard but it still remain cracked. She gets off her bed and slips her phone in her bra and heads to the kitchen.

She drinks sips of water before feeling her stomach growl again. She punches it a couple of times before drinking another two glasses of water.

Today is going to be a _very_ long day.

**P.S – I'm look for a BETA. Never had one in my life and I think I should really start fixing up my mistakes but too lazy to do so myself. PM me. **


	13. I'm Alive

**A/N: I messed up the titles for this chapter and last chapter. THIS chapter was supposed to be Take Me and last chapter was supposed to be I'm Alive. Sorry if my paragraphs look too much like paragraphs. I hate making them so thick (even though they aren't really thick).**

**And I'm searching for a Beta for the remainder of this story and the next one I'm starting. If anyone is interested PM me. ****J Read and Review, mwah!**

**Take Me**

Rocky plays music through her earphone. The volume way too loud for her sensitive ears but she doesn't care. She just wants to block out everything. She watches the world go past in her aunt's car and plays with the hem of her shirt. She wants to burst out crying but she doesn't.

She looks back down at her phone as it vibrates, alerting her of an incoming text message. She silently hopes that it's Luke but turn out to be CeCe. She smiles as she reads the overly excited 'Good Morning' text from her best friend.

Rocky crosses her legs in her pink shorts. The weather has been remarkably well and they are finally getting out of the cold winter months. She quickly text CeCe back before tucking her phone in her back pocket. Rocky sighs and looks down at her arm. A small but very noticeable bruise is against her light caramel skin. It seems to have appeared out of nowhere so she could honestly say she didn't know what happened.

She looks up again to the world and realizes she's at work. She says a short goodbye to her aunt and Sasha who is on her way to school. Rocky had decided a while ago with her schedule she would rather be home schooled through the rest of her high school years if she was to continue modeling. It's different from the real classroom setting but she gets to be alone and not have to worry about any stares from other classmates.

Rocky walks up to the doors and takes a deep breathe.

_Stupid Luke!_

She rolls her eyes once before realizing that he shouldn't dictate her like that. She's going to walk in there like she is all that in a bag of chips and ignore the hell out of him.

And she does just that. A bit taken back when she sees him chewing on something by the snack table, _shirtless._ She applies pressure onto her small bruise to remind herself why she should be looking at him.

* * *

><p>"You look ravishing in that get up," Luke says from behind her. She almost choke on a huge chuck of ice she sucking on. Rocky has to look down to remember she still has on the two piece bikini from the last shoot.<p>

Rocky doesn't turn around so it forces him to walk in front of her. He has on a Hawaiian designed trunks and his abs contract as he begins to speak again.

"Silent treatment? Isn't that a bit childish." Luke replies a bit of irritation in his voice. She stares back at her cup of ice and pops one in her mouth. "Why the hell are you eating ice?" He says a bit angrier this time and it makes her confused.

Why is he talking to her like this? Did this kiss me nothing to him?

_Of course it meant nothing, I mean look at you. You are pathetic and fat and ugly. Who would want you?_

Rocky chews the ice cube in her mouth and sits the cup down on the table beside her. She folds her arms as his eyes scaled her bare stomach. She takes a step back before looking into his fierce eyes and as:

"Why are you bothering me?"

His whole demeanor is different though and his eyes seem concerned. He traces the sharp edge of her hip bone with his index finger and she pulls away. He notices the space between her thighs when her feet touch. She has definitely lost weight since he first seen her.

His eyes get dark and angry again, "Why the hell are you eating ice, you're fucking shivering. Why don't you ever eat real food?"

Rocky gets startle by the way he talks to her. She looks around to make sure no one is paying attention to them. Why is he acting this way? Like he cares for her? No one cares anymore. Why can't he get used to her weird eating habits and just accept it as who she is.

Why isn't he used to stick figures being around him? He _works_ with all of them! She remembers that she is a lady and her father taught her she should never stand for a man to talk to her like that, but she can't bring herself to talk back to him.

Rocky grabs her cup of ice and turns around to make an exit but he grabs her wrist hard and pulls her to him. The hand that holds the ice in it slams against her body and his making a crashing sound as it explodes out the cup. Her breathing quickens and she feels tears stinging her eyes.

She pulls away from him in time to slap him across the face. He lets go of her wrist and she runs back to her dressing room.

Her tears fall before she reaches her door. Blinded by the moisture in her eyes she bumps into another model and almost crashes to the floor.

She's thankful that it's only Jolene. A tall red head that has freckles that litter her tiny body. She smiles slightly at Rocky before they both let out a low apology.

Rocky ends up back in the safety of her room before she can cause any more damage. She wants to go home and eat all the food. She wants to kneel down and throw up all the contents in her stomach. She wants to see blood surface from her insides. She puts her shaky hands over her mouth and muffles a scream. She's going insane!

There is a slight but noticeable knock on the door and she struggles to blink away her tears. She wipes her face frantically and ends up smearing makeup all down her cheeks. A muffled sound comes from the other side of the door and she knows it's a assistant telling her to hurry out because the camera is now fixed and they are on a tight schedule. Rocky wipes all the trace of makeup from her face before exited her room back to her area.

She pretends that everything is okay because it is. She shouldn't be worried about what stupid Luke says. Her body is her property, her business. She doesn't care about him so he shouldn't care about her.

* * *

><p>"So spring break is coming up next month and I miss you guys so much!" Rocky talks through the phone as she sits on the living room couch. After her bikini shots she was free to go home. Her aunt picked her up early and headed out for the remainder of the day leaving Rocky to her own devices. (Which can be <em>very<em> dangerous in the right circumstances.)

"Same! Maybe I could come for the last four days because I kinda had other things plan for the most of it. But I miss my best friend and we have a overdue sleepover that NEEDS to happen soon." CeCe squeals on the other end and Rocky smiles.

"You are so crazy. How's you and your guy?" Rocky asks, a sharp pang in her stomach hit her. She's _starving_. She hasn't eaten in so long she is frighten that when she does her insides will churn with the unfamiliar content.

"Great. Three months strong. You and Lukeboy formed a thing now?" CeCe ask innocently.

Rocky stomach pains again and she feels her insides churn. Why did she have to bring _him_ up? She was forgetting the awkward encounter from today. Rocky doesn't tell CeCe this because then it would lead to puzzles pieces being put together and she doesn't need that.

She isn't even thin yet.

Sure, she's dropping weight faster than before and soon she will be in the high eighties but she isn't there yet. She past through all her first 'Ultimate Goal Weights' and decided she could do better. She could get thinner! Rocky sighs into the phone wondering if she was past CeCe skinny by now.

"Hello, earth to Rocky!"

"Oh, sorry I was thinking. And no, Luke and I are not a_ thing_ and will never be a _thing_. I think I might actually hate him!"

"Sure Rocky. Whatever you say."

* * *

><p>Rocky fiddles with her pillow once more in the dark. She wishes she wasn't so alone. She wonders if she should sneak inside Sasha's room and sleep with her but sides against it. She can handle this.<p>

She rubs gently at her wrist where a small purplish bruise has formed. Luke's grip from hours ago shows that they had contact. It makes her wince. Then she slides a finger over the insides of her wrist and finds the small bruise there. She winces again. She reaches down to her thighs and feels another bruise from when she lightly banged it against the edge of the table.

Rocky realizes that she has been bruising easier the past few days. Even Luke's grip on her doesn't seem to have been enough to bruise her. She has experienced worse when she and Ty would physically fight over sibling things.

Rocky closes her eyes willing sleep to creep inside her and drift her away. It doesn't.

She rises off her bed and slips on her fluffy house slippers. She has to eat something or she'll never sleep.

She twist her door knob and creeps to the kitchen. She hasn't binged in so long and her weight has been dropping so well she almost turns back away to bury her fragile body in thick covers.

But she doesn't because she is _starving._

She opens up the pantry first, pulling out crackers. Then she opens the freezer to get the huge ice cream bucket from inside. Then she takes out six slices of left over pizza. She piles a noticeable amount of ice cream into a large bowl, throws the pizzas on top before picking up the box of crackers. She scurries to her room like a mouse and sit on her floor.

She looks at the food once before she grabs two slices of pizza. She takes huge bites like the piggish child she is. She swallows hard and takes another one. She uses her hand to put the ice cream in her mouth and it makes her stomach growl. She wants more but she wants to stop all at the same time. She does the former.

She stuffs her face until she can barely breathe and her stomach is stretch to the max. She rushes to the bathroom and sticks two fingers down her throat. He stomach churns and she heaves a bit but sooner or later a chunk come up. She does it another three more times before rising from the floor. She struggles a bit and sways but she rights herself.

She has to admit she loves this feeling. Like she's on the edge of death and life.

She steadies herself by the sink and turns the faucet on. She rinses her mouth with the cold water and she feels like she is going to puck again. She lurches over the sink and nothing but access water and bile rises. Then one last thrust and gush of blood exits her. She rinses her mouth once more, avoiding the mirror at all cost.

Rocky turns to go to her room, she pulls the covers over her head. Her head spins a thousand more time and she doesn't even know she's sleeping.


	14. Home

**A/N: So, sorry for the long wait. I had writers block for a very long time and a lot of things have popped up. But still please review!**

**"******Rocky"****

_(Four months later: November 22nd)_

Rocky sits at the edge of her well made bed and closes her eyes. She tries to ignore the way the cold air hits her when Sasha opens her room door. She says something about getting all her bags in the car for the ride to the airport.

She only gets up after Sasha has to come and shake her. Her twiggy fingers wrapping around Rocky's elbows. Rocky blinks for a second or two before coming back to life. She picks up her suitcase and small duffle bag before heading for her door, turning out her light, and saying goodbye to her room for a week.

Thanksgiving was right around the corner. He aunt thought making a surprise visit back to Chicago would be great since she has only been talking with her family through phone and sometimes skype messages when she got the chance. She had been so busy the past few month with more and more photoshoots and more and more of avoiding Luke and more and more of homeschooling to stay caught up.

She had purposely avoided talking with her family for a week following the visit. She was always so tired after work and school and trying so hard to stop her heart from skipping beats when Luke was around. She could have just told him how she felt but she didn't know how she felt. She had never liked someone this way so it caught her by surprise.

The only thing she seemed to have time for, however, is the lonely scale that called for her under her bed (which was now taking resident in her suitcase) that told her of the haunting numbers of pride she so looked for. At the moment her body was shamefully on the edge of dropping to 78 but bouncing back to 79 every other day.

She feared what this meant to her but she still looked forward to her weigh ins.

She feared what would happen if she didn't weigh in.

Her legs were clad in three layers of leggings and sweatpants because New York knew how to get cold. Her jean jacket pulled tightly over a black hoodie that hung a loosely on her now fragile frame. She loved this though, her close not fitting. Having to get refitted ever so often at work because she was constantly slimming down. Some models gave her compliments, some didn't say nothing at all, Luke gave her snarls and angry glares which she just rolled her eyes at.

She sat buckled up in the backseat of her aunts car while Sasha took resident in the front. Rocky closed her eyes from time to time but didn't want to fall asleep. It took an hour to drive to the airport because of traffic. When they go there, it was not as packed as she would expect it to be. Good thing she was travelling a few days earlier because she hated crowded airports.

Next stop: Chicago.

* * *

><p>- (3:00 chicago time)<p>

The first thing Rocky noticed about Chicago was the smell. New York smelled of busy rainy days and subway cars, but Chicago smelled of something a lot more raw to her.

Rocky couldn't help but smile brightly when they were out of the airport. Her fingers trembled as she held onto her phone but that was expected. She hadn't seen any of her friends and family in (what CeCe put it) _in a thousand and one years_! She wanted to hug them and kiss them and talk about New York and how crowded it always was. She wanted CeCe to talk of her new boyfriend and when she was going to meet him and talk her brothers ear off about college plans. Her leg started shaking on their own accord.

"You excited?" Aunt Marie had caught on to the soft vibrations behind her seat and looked at Rocky through her rearview mirror. Her hair tied perfectly in a high bun, matching Sasha's.

"Yea, very! And a little nervous." She replied before Aunt Marie gave her a mini lecture on how she shouldn't be nervous and blah-blah-blah.

She stayed silent the rest of the ride, slightly nodding to anything and going over her lines in her head.

_Yes, mom. _

_Of course, daddy, school is fine. _

_I'm fine. _

_It's ok. _

_I'm really not hungry. _

When they arrived outside of her (_used to be_) home she almost stops breathing. Her body shaked uncomfortably before she forces herself to open her door and expose herself to Chicago's wind.

They gathered everything they needed from the trunk of the car. Entering the apartment building sent a cold wave down Rocky's spine. It was a nervous-excited wave. She wanted to shake that feeling. She didn't want to greet her friends and family with a half-hearted guilty I-missed-you-so-much-hug. She wanted them to feel the same warmth she will soon be feeling in her chest.

When they arrived in front of the apartment her aunt knocked the door in four rhythmic beats. There was shuffling on the other side and she heard Ty screaming he'd get it. Her brothers voice boomed through her ears and she couldn't help her smile. Sasha looked back at her and smirked. She had seen Ty in a few pictures and had talked to him when Rocky did her video chats before Rocky told her it was completely creepy to have a crush on her older cousin.

The door flew open and the lights of her eyes hit Rocky's brown eyes, causing her to blink rapidly. When her eyes adjusted she could see her brothers wide smile. His dimples seem so much more deeper than they were the day she left. He opened up the door to let everyone in. Helping Aunt Marie with her one suitcase while Sasha and Rocky followed. He put the bag down and gave his aunt a hug. He ruffled Sasha's head to which she laughed heartily at. He then set his eyes on his little sister. She looked at lot more different than she was the last time he seen her. He scoops her up in a tight hug and her feet lifted up from the ground. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder for a few seconds before telling him it was OK to break free now.

Everything else felt like a blur to her. From when her parents came and welcomed the visitors (she had to keep reminding herself that she was just a visitor so she wouldn't have any conflicted feeling when she left at the end of the week). She answered the many questions her parents asked and in just being their for an hour her and Ty were already fighting over stupid things.

Sasha sat on the couch and stayed there until Rocky invited her to see her room. Her parents had left everything the way it was the day she left. They placed their bags in the closet and took off their shoes. Rocky ran to her bed and laid in the soft sheets. They were a little cold due to non-use in such a long time.

She couldn't help but wonder if CeCe ever came into her room and laid in her bed because she missed her. She turned her head and stuffed the pillow into the side of cheek, loving how cold it was.

"So, this is Chicago?" Sasha said breaking Rocky out of her little world.

"Yea," she said. "This is home." She got up from her spit in the bed and dangled her sock claud foot over the edge. "You wanna meet my best friend?"

"Is this the CeCe you're so fond of?" Sasha said, pulling her hair out of it's previous up-do.

Rocky smiled, "Yea, CeCe. C'mon!"

There was a loud, irritating tapping on the window but Flynn was too busy playing his game to bother with it. He assumed CeCe would eventually come out of her room to investigate.

After what seemed like eternity Rocky pulled the window from the bottom and started to crawl through it. Sasha looked a bit confused at this way of entering someone's home but she didn't question it. When they both were in the house she plopped down on the couch next to Flynn.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Flynn." She said smiling, waiting for the eight year old to notice her. Instead he muttered a zombie like 'hey' without peeling his eyes away from the blinking screen.<p>

"It doesn't matter what happened, you shouldn't have done it! It was so embarrassing Chris!" A annoyed voice rang from the back rooms. It was progressively getting louder and Rocky wasn't sure if it was because she was yelling now or coming closer to where she was.

Rocky felt a tug at her heart when she saw the flash of red hair swinging from a loose ponytail. Cece had on baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt that read 'Varsity Basketball'. Her pink lips were stuck in a frown and she had her cell phone pressed lightly to her ear. She turned on her heels into the kitchen before dragging out some orange juice.

"I'm still going to be mad at you though." She said as she turned around to sit the orange juice on the table, momentarily looking up to make sure Flynn was still in the living room. She turned back around to grab a glass to pour the juice in when she realized that there were two other people sitting on her couch. She turned around slowly before confirming the thoughts that she had in her head. Her best friend was sitting on her couch again!

"Rocky?!" CeCe exclaimed causing a huge smile to appear on Rocky's face as she stood up from the couch to catch her running best friend. "OMG, I missed you soooo much! Are you seriously here, is this really you?" CeCe unwrapped herself from Rocky, gave her a once over, then pulled her back into the tight embrace.

Flynn peeled his eyes away from his game long enough to say, "Oh, hey Rocky." He took off down the hallway to run to the bathroom.

"Yes, it's me! I missed you, New York is _nothing_like Chicago!" Rocky told her best friend after they were done crushing each others bones. The frown that was tight on CeCe's lips were now replaced by her youthful smile.

"I bit. It's way better right?"

"As if! I never go out anywhere because it's always so crowded on the streets." Rocky explained. They sat back down on the couch and that's when CeCe noticed the brown haired girl sitting next to her best friend.

"Who's this?"

"Oh, yeah! This is Sasha, my cousin."

Sasha smiled gently towards CeCe, bringing her small hand to shake CeCe's.

"Nice to finally meet you! Rocky talked a lot about you! All good things of course," Sasha said.

"Of course, she has too!"

* * *

><p>It was around nine before Rocky and Sasha came back. They had spent a good three hours at CeCe's and Rocky still didn't feel caught up to the Chicago way of life yet. She showed Sasha the shower before heading to her room to unpack some of her clothes.<p>

She pulled out her purple suitcase and opened it. She began searching for the things she needed for tonight. Such as her toothbrush, towel and pajamas. She stood up to place all the items on her bed when the sudden rush sent a sharp pain towards her head. Tiny pins hit heavily onto her temples and she couldn't help the gasp that escapes her mouth. Standing became hard and she was sinking to the floor clutching her head trying to make the pounding stop.

It took a good twenty minutes of her sitting with her knees up to her chin before the pounding stopped. However she stayed still for a little while longer. She knew all too well what came after these episodic headaches. If she tried to move again too soon or too fast she'd mostly like pass out. She did not come all this way to have her family worrying about her during Thanksgiving.

She stayed put for another ten, only because Sasha had reappeared into the room all dressed in cozy pajamas for the night.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little jetlagged."

Sasha giggled, "We only flew for, like, two hours!"

Rocky glared at her, she hated when people counteracted her excuses. "So? I can still be tired."

"Right, sorry." Sasha said, turning on her heels to exit the room.

Rocky let out a sigh beforw gathering her things to go to the bathroom.


End file.
